While more intimate partners meet online now than ever before, creating friendships via apps has been slower to take off. Today, you can meet potential friends through Bumble For Friends/BFF, Timeleft, We3, Meet5, and Gofrendly—all social apps intended to connect like-minded individuals who seek friendship and are available in DC.The challenge, however, is that we look for different signals to start and maintain an intimate relationship than a friendship. We also use different criteria for continuing a conversation with a potential intimate partner versus a potential friend. Finding compatible times in two or more DC-based people to consistently meet up can be difficult to impossible — and finding time to invest in building a friendship is critical. Dr. Jeffrey Hall, Director of the Relationship and Technology Lab at the University of Kansas, has written about how long it takes to form friendship bonds. “You have to put the time into it,” he says. According to Hall, stages of friendship are related to the amount of time invested in connecting with another person:
| Time | Friendship Stage |
| 50 hours | Casual Friendship |
| 80-100 hours | Friend |
| 119-219 hours | Good/Best Friend |
This gives us some idea of the commitment and patience needed to create a friendship from scratch. Obligatory workplace and classroom assignments do not predict closeness. Rather, investing time, attention, curiosity and energy into a relationship of choice and sharing what is happening to us on a daily basis is what drives connection.
Everyday talk has impact alongside quality time. Daily catching up, joking around, and meaningful sharing canimprove closeness beyond the hours spent together. It is an efficient use of time, and making these small investments is considered a striving behavior for relationship growth. Everyday talk can happen via text or email — it doesn’t always have to be a conversation in person. Conversely, friendships that make use of mostly/only small talk, “become less close over time.”
In the past, people found friendships through work, organized religion, or places we went often like square dancing, pubs, or libraries. Although the locations may be changing, becoming a “regular” and showing up consistently is key for putting yourself in a place to meet others and form friendships. According to some successful friend-seekers, “Meeting in a group week after week was the key.”
Become a “regular” somewhere in DC:
- Creative Mornings is a global community with a DC chapter that celebrates everyday creativity
- Co-working spaces offer networking events
- Hang out at your favorite coffee shop instead of taking your coffee to go
- Take an in-person class
- Join a social club
- Participate in language conversation groups
- Join a DC sports league or club
- Volunteer via DC Cares or So Others May Eat (SOME)
- Attend a local game night
- Check out Unscripted DC links for avenues to meet friends
Leverage “weak ties.” Reach out to those you haven’t spoken to in a while, such as neighbors or coworkers, and invite them for a coffee.
Attend embassy events. Many embassies maintain mailing lists, newsletters and social media accounts. You can sign up for notifications or check ClockoutDC and the embassy’s Facebook/Instagram/X accounts.
Learn more about a subject. Using Eventbrite, look for lectures and events that interest you.
As you work to create stronger connections and friendships, Our Healing Therapy is here to support you. Contact us today.
Disclaimer: The information in this blog is provided for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for mental health care nor a recommendation or endorsement for any particular treatment plan, organization, provider, professional service, or product. The information may change without notice. No claims, promises, or guarantees are made about the completeness, accuracy, currency, content or quality of information linked. You assume all responsibility and risk for any use of the information.